This is going to be a very short blog for a few reasons. The first, and most influential, I'm sick as a dog (whatever that means... never really thought a dog was a great thing to compare my health to) and I need my sleep. The second, I'm taking medication for my illness which is making me a little tired, and I can't put my full attention into explaining what has all happened. And third, there is just too much to tell, too many pictures that need to be posted and not enough will power to do it.
Camp is over. My kids (or as I should say, God's kids) have left. It was extremely emotional... and prolonged. The kids started leaving Sunday evening and all the groups weren't gone until late Monday night. I fell in love with these kids... and yes its true, some more than others. Now, they are physically gone. I'm trying to focus on the hope that still remains, the love of God that extends to and connects all of us. They are with me in my prayers and thoughts, keeping us close... but still the distance hurts. I never knew I could feel so much like a father until my children were taken from me. I never knew how much I could hurt until I was humbled by helplessness, watching most of them return to poverty and abuse against their wills. I have never felt so floored in my life as when I said goodbye to my Dasha with bloodshot eyes and a wet shoulder stained by tears. I don't think I have ever reached as hard as I did for the little hand stretching for mine as I left my last kiss on the forehead then fingertips while stumbling out of the van that would take her away from me. I sob every time I think of her. I am a father stripped of the children he never had.
And yet, still, three things remain... faith, hope and love... but the greatest of these... is love.
Pray for me and my sickness... but, pray more for the kids and their well being, their constant sense of love and their guidance by the principles which they have been taught here.
My next post will tell you about what all has happened. Enjoy the few pictures that I have ready.
With pieces of my heart missing that I never want back,
Tommy
(my Dasha)
5 comments:
And now you feel a portion of the love God has for us. To be a parent and have to give up your child............but the love will always keep you together, hearts tied forever.
You are my love,
Mom
I seriously cried reading this. The way I described it last year was that the way I felt for these kids (even just knowing them for such a short time) shows just a fraction of how much God loves me. I felt the purest love that I have ever felt in Ukraine, and it was the love for these children. You are in my prayers, and may you never forget that they are in God's hands. I know you won't forget that. You are too strong in faith to forget something like that.
beautiful tommy... remember that sadness brings forth the experience of joy, comfort, and strength...
reading this really inspired me, cause i have felt a lot of the same kinds of things about the people here in spain... and i havent left yet, but when ido i know its going to be really hard.
I hope you feel better, ill be thinking of you.
You have done a beautiful thing and we are so proud of you. When you come home, JP has hugs and kisses waiting. It's not the same thing, I know. I feel your heart and hope the Holy Spirit meets you right where you are.
tommy, your not only in the heart-ache of saying goodbye to parenting kids that aren't ours. my heart breaks for you and the kids that you have loved. its not fare that we can't stay with them always and love them as much as we can, but there is hope God can love them anytime, anywhere and always and more than we could ever try.
Holding the tears and hearts of children and those who love them~
Shae'von
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