Crushed

This is going to be a very short blog for a few reasons. The first, and most influential, I'm sick as a dog (whatever that means... never really thought a dog was a great thing to compare my health to) and I need my sleep. The second, I'm taking medication for my illness which is making me a little tired, and I can't put my full attention into explaining what has all happened. And third, there is just too much to tell, too many pictures that need to be posted and not enough will power to do it.

Camp is over. My kids (or as I should say, God's kids) have left. It was extremely emotional... and prolonged. The kids started leaving Sunday evening and all the groups weren't gone until late Monday night. I fell in love with these kids... and yes its true, some more than others. Now, they are physically gone. I'm trying to focus on the hope that still remains, the love of God that extends to and connects all of us. They are with me in my prayers and thoughts, keeping us close... but still the distance hurts. I never knew I could feel so much like a father until my children were taken from me. I never knew how much I could hurt until I was humbled by helplessness, watching most of them return to poverty and abuse against their wills. I have never felt so floored in my life as when I said goodbye to my Dasha with bloodshot eyes and a wet shoulder stained by tears. I don't think I have ever reached as hard as I did for the little hand stretching for mine as I left my last kiss on the forehead then fingertips while stumbling out of the van that would take her away from me. I sob every time I think of her. I am a father stripped of the children he never had.




And yet, still, three things remain... faith, hope and love... but the greatest of these... is love.

Pray for me and my sickness... but, pray more for the kids and their well being, their constant sense of love and their guidance by the principles which they have been taught here.

My next post will tell you about what all has happened. Enjoy the few pictures that I have ready.

With pieces of my heart missing that I never want back,
Tommy

(my Dasha)

Love is a painful thing

I'm gonna attempt to recap the past few days in a way that is short, yet still tells the whole story:

I've been punched and bitten, hung on by more than 5 kids at one time (usually 2 at any given moment), taught Russian by little kids who don't know English, been to the sea every day... which is code for being drowned by an unfair amount of kids, I've sang, I've danced, I've announced, I've played soccer, biffer, hand games, card games, written in books and just plain held kids for hours on end. I love my life.



Things are going well here. I'm falling in love with all the kids, but there are a few that are already choking me up when I start to think of saying my goodbyes. The connections that I am making are deep and meaningful. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even half the minister that they are to me.



Dasha is my little sweet-heart. She is 11, smart, humorous, clever, strong, ambitious and caring. She lights up when she sees me. She gets serious when she sings about God. She is creative when she is drawing in her notebook. She makes little challenges even with a ball by seeing how many times she can clap before it returns back into her hands after throwing it. Most of all, she melts in your arms. She doesn't hold on as if she is afraid of letting go... she lets go of herself and just coexists with you, in a blissful moment. She takes in life one moment at a time. She is an inspiration.




Vlad is crazy. He is the tiniest little thing with the most energy I've ever seen. He's also a biter. Funny kid though. He runs to you if he even spots you from across the camp grounds. He is young and used to survival, but he is sweet and I gladly take the punches.

Most all the kids are now flocking to me as well as everyone else who is here. They will come to you with a rippling effect, alerting all the kids to attack. They throw my arm around them, they pull me down to their level, they grab what ever finger is left to hold. They call me "big brother" and bury their head into my stomach. My heart breaks more an more ea. day with a bitter-sweet joy.

(Rosa wanted did this to me)

I'm having tons of fun being the voice of the camp.. so to speak. The kids really get into the boisterous persona that I tend to take on in front of a crowd of children. I now have to do all the dancing to the praise songs during bible time. The kids do it with me on the steps. I'm getting better at the lyrics. :)


We had a talent show last night. The kids did a really good job with what they prepared. The translators did a funny dancing number, the counsilers did a hilarious depiction on how the kids take control of them and hold them hostage, and the international team did a number of things from singing, a chin choir and recorders. After the show, the scene turned into a dance party. We all danced so much that we were dripping in sweat. It was awesome.




I woke up in the middle of the night last night, sick. I had some stomach problems and what I think was a fever. It has gone away since them, but it limited my activity today. I have a sore throat and a weaker body, but what else is new? I've taken the right medicine and have had people praying for me.. I'm all good.

I got to babysit Campbell today while the kids went to the sea. He never ceases to crack me up. Good job God.

It was a rainy day today, so we did indoor activities after lunch, including watching Horton Hears a Who... in Russian. I had a kid in my lap the entire time. It was comforting.

In other news... some of the tough kids are softening up. They have been watching the rest of the team and I from a distance, unsure of what to make of us. Now they are participating a little more and wanting to hang out with me. Its bizarre, but then again, its not. God is present here and it is evident.


There is so much to tell and I wish I could write it all, but its going by so fast its hard to keep a running log. I miss you all but I have to tell ya, its gonna be hard leaving the kids to come back home. I actually started to get choked up while writing this blog post. But I take heart in this, God is the God of hope, and He has been present in these kids lives before I came in. He is the one who is watching them while I am here will watch over them when I leave.

I love you all. I need to get to bed so I have energy to put my body through the grinder again tomorrow. Blessings.
-Tommy

Salute your Shorts

The camp has started and it is rockin the socks off of everyone. Literally, they take off their shoes and socks when they are at the sea... but then they put them back on... ANYWAY, it is a great time and its only gonna get better.

(Gaws+Sergey)

Friday night- Three children came from a village of extreme poverty. They came early, because they needed to be checked for all sorts of diseases. Their heads were shaved, their scalps were treated, the parasites removed from under their scalps. They were forcefully stripped and led into the first shower that they have ever taken. Clean and put in new clothes, they waited for the rest of the campers to arrive. When shown to their room, they huddled in one bed. The counselor had to tell them that it was ok for them to sleep in their own beds, that they each had one.

(Vlad)

The rest of the kids came yesterday (Saturday). They are from different parts of Ukraine.. some of them are orphans, some of them are from the streets... some of them are both. After being checked at the medical building, they were shown to their rooms and fed. The rest of the day was all sorts of good times. We had stations running for crafts, music, volleyball, soccer, frisbee, basketball, so on and so forth. After dinner, we helped them do name tags and then we had the opening ceremony. Ukrainian ceremonies are always hilarious to me... especially when you mix in Americans. The music is cross between a gospel soundtrack and the Emmies. Matt and I had to stall, so we danced like fools in front of all 90+ kids. It was a blast.



This morning I led the boys in exercises. Then we all had breakfast... :) you know me and the food.. eat it even if you don't know what it was intended to be. It isn't ever horrible, mind you. Its a challenge of mind over matter... or you just don't think about it, you eat it. Bible study was quite fun. I, along with my co-intern, opened the event (as we do with most all events) in order to inspire crowd participation. We sang, we danced, we listened to the message, we sang and danced more.. then Judith and I told the kids that we are GOING TO THE BEACH.

The sea + 90 or so orphan/underprivileged kids + Americans = Water fights... always. We dunked, we splashed, we hit beach balls around.. it was sweet. Campbell came to. I think I could have just been entertained by watching him the entire time.

(Campbell)


(Campbell)

(Judith)

(Amanda)

(Max)

We came back for lunch. Had a leader meeting while the kids napped. then we broke off into stations again. I was with soccer for the second time. The feild is pretty much a retacular area where they keep the rocks and kill the grass :) The kids are competitive. I'm not sure who one, but it was 2 hours of non-stop running. The trick is to model an alternative lifestyle that doesn't include punching kids 6 years younger than you. It is a hard trick for them to catch onto. All in all, that was a good time.


Dinner was next, followed by craft time. After craft time was the BIBLE CEREMONY!! After each of us on the international team told a verse of the Bible that we enjoyed a lot, each kid got their very own, RUSSIAN NEW TESTAMENT BIBLE! It was actually cool to see how the kids responded generously to the presentation, but more so to the gift.

I am not part of bed time stories, but they do exist. The team goes around and talks to the kids about what they learned that day. It is a chance to pray with them and answer questions. Some of the older kids have taken the time to do a bible study in the past. The team reports positively.

My duties as an intern, for all of you who have been wondering, are as follows: Moderate the meetings (aka make sure everything was covered and in the case of indecisiveness, make a decision) and be the face of the Hope Center (I'm the PR to the kids. I lead (with Judith) the times before meals where we get the kids interacting with us and ea. other. We also start off the Bible story time). I am the one that the kids get to see up on stage (so to speak). I'm also the middle man between the team and Matt and Sarah. Other than that, I am a team member, doing everything that the American team does. This includes crafts, games, sports, Bible lessons, holding kids, tickling kids, running from kids, etc. It is not a hard gig, but it is a fun one and a tiring one. I am nothing special compared to the team. I am just another person on a mission of love and their is no hierarchy of success that can be put on that.


It has been a tiring day. I have a crew of kids that seem to follow me more than other people. They are precious and I'll take more pictures later on. Tomorrow we start day three. I need to get rest for it. Pray for the kids, the team and the Hope Center.

Sweet dreams my faithful friends. I love you.
-Tommy

Hosanna

The kids are singing with me :)

Camp livin

Greetings fellow blogonians.

Here is the run down on my life since the last time we met together.

Monday: Orphanage.

The kids were CRAZY. I'm talkin.. as soon as we walked in the door they were hanging on us. It was actually kinda frustrating to be quite honest. They wouldn't stop stroking my beard, shoving toys INTO my face, crawling into my lap, doing cartwheels, and fighting with ea. other. HAHA it was hard to keep any attention, and that was what was getting to me... but hey, its understandable. I had a wave of peace when I meditated on the fact that they are all screaming for attention and love. There is a camp going on within the orphanage. Some of the children have parents, others don't. Regardless, it is always difficult to be just another fish in a sea full of them. If attention is what they wanted and needed, they got it. After my attempt at the Noah story, we just forfeiting anything other than playing. One of the most heart warming parts of the day came during the singing portion. I have been singing a song called Hosanna to them, and without prompting them, they joined in on the chorus. :) They are smart. It was so joyful to be singing the same praises that Angels sing at the thrown of God with the kids without any kind of demand.



Tuesday:

The orphanage was actually manageable. The kids must have not had as much sugar prior to our arrival. They were very well mannered and I actually was able to tell them a story. In sum, the story told them how BIG God was and how SMALL we feel sometimes. I then told them about how God made himself small like us. The point of the story was that God came as a baby and was once a kid, like them, who grew up to do great things like heal the blind, diseased and such, all the while hanging out with kids. I told them He believed in how special kids are and how they can grow up to do great things like He did. That He never gives up one people, especially kids.

We talked about if they felt special or not... the first reaction was an honest no. We then talked about how I grew up as a kid and some of the things I dreamed about doing when I grew up. Then I asked them what they wanted to do. When they answered I assured them that God has made them special enough to achieve dreams and not to lose hope. When asked again if they felt special, most of them said yes (which might have been the answer that they thought that I wanted to hear... or maybe there was a new truth behind it).

That day were told not to take any more pictures of the kids... boo.

We moved into the camp later on that day. I am in the room across from where I slept last year. It is surreal.

FOR THE TEAM OF LAST YEAR: The boys bathroom is up and running. The showers are now divided :) Jimmy's bed has been replaced by a table and I'm sleeping in the bed that Justin was exiled to. The common room still looks relatively the same, despite the new furniture. Its comforting :) I wish you all were here. It doesn't seem nearly as right roaming around the building without running into Arthur sticking his butt up in the air to relieve pressure (wink wink) or to walk into the girls room without seeing Abs reading Harry Potter. But ALAS, I despite the sweet memories only being in my head, I still feel oddly at home.

Wednesday:

Matt's family made breakfast for us. Sarah is an amazing cook, as it turns out. Matt also knows his way around the kitchen. After breakfast came the orphanage.

It was a nice little story time and play time. We talked about how knowing Jesus makes people change their attitude which helps them, and the people around them enjoy life easier :) My goal is to equip them the kids with coping mechanisms that are founded in God and an understanding of him so that when I leave (like most everyone who visits them) they still have something to remind them that they are special and loved, in a world that preaches a different message.

I snuck a picture :)


On our way back to the camp we stopped by the sea to say goodbye to the train gang who will be going back up to Kharkiv. I will surely miss their friendship but lets be honest... I'll probably see them again at some point :)

Sergey and I did some manual labor today. We weeded along some curbs and then painted them a light blue that can be found in the flag. I don't particularly like that kind of labor.. probably because my body has never really grown accustomed to it. I do like being faced with a challenge.. and I do like being outside... and I like helping people... so it wasn't too bad :) My back hurts now though :)

Dinner was with the Gaws again. SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD. The garlic bread was fantastic.. homemade bread and everything. Matt made some pretty darn good spaghetti sauce that complimented the Ukrainian ravioli. It was a very pleasant evening, yet again. This family is an answer to my prayers. It was a relatively early turn in. I was exhausted.

Today is Thursday. It is a day of Gaw Family Scrambled eggs and potatoes, laying around and hardcore rain drops. :) Matt, Sarah, Campbell, Yana and I are going to Sergey's because his mom "did a bakery for us." hahaha that means she baked some sweets for us that we'll take part in over tea and coffee. Sergey won't be with us because he is in Simferopol, picking up the American team that will be here for camp III. Suit up kids, this game is getting real!

The team will be here at about 8pm. Just in time for a late dinner, brief examination, meet and greet and bed. I'll be in the room with the single American girls. Sergey is with the boy interpreters and Yana with the female ones.

Tomorrow will be a number of things. I will be going to the orphanage at noon, but other than that, hanging out with the team and getting ready for the 100 or so kids that will be coming on Saturday.

So, life is great here. I am having a blast at the camp. I wish you could meet the Gaws. Pray for Matt's foot, as it is recovering from the blade of an ax. Pray for the camp, because there will be a lot of kids here and it has some major potential on the spiritual side of things. :) I'll upload some more pictures and a video when Sergey gets back with his camera. love and blessing to you all.

-Tommy
томи