To my readers, prayers and activists who all in their own way supported me on this trip, Hello.
I am back... on the blog as well as in the States. I left you all with something pretty drastic and I'm sorry that it wasn't followed by a message of recovery or simplified beauty that serves as the emotional medicine that heals your severed soul. I honestly had no such remedy and thus, no words to really deliver. I was, as I put it last, crushed by my experience at the camp. Seeing the kids leave (over the course of 27 hours) was undoubtedly one of the most depressing times in my life as a whole. Watching my Dasha leave was the single most.
But now, I'm back. I'm going to start with a summary... a conclusion before I can conclude everything, if you will. That way, those of you who are busy or just short winded can make your way to the pictures on a fast track pass. Don't worry, I give you full permission to do so. Followed by this I will explain some of my tail end adventures, in brief, yet informative ways. Whether you choose option "A" and make it to the end of the next paragraph or "B" and are gonna run the marathon with me in this, I love you both the same.
This trip has been exhausting. It had its ups and downs, lefts and rights, bumpy roads (which are actually every road in Ukraine if you take that literally) and smooth sailings. God never let me get too comfortable. From Kharkiv to Kerch and then Kiev and Bila Tserkva, I was constantly being tested of a few main things: patience from individuals to establishments, faith in God and his ministry, a legitimate hope for the future and a love that will remain. For the last month and a half I have been concentrating even in the times of relaxation. I have been trying to be sensible to customs and age differences, life stories and Biblical truths. I have battled nothingness in my down time and crazy orphanage directors thinking that I was a gay, pedophile (thank you Sergey for not defending my position in your native tongue :) . I have loved and loved and loved and loved and loved and yet my work is not and will not be done. I learned something new in my adventures. Ukraine doesn't need me there. Hell, God doesn't need me there... but I was sure used there. I am needed to the kids that I met and to the families I lived with. I am literally the new son of Mama Ira, the new brother of Dima and in some ways, the new father to some of the kids. Ukraine doesn't need me, but I need the people.. and if I am to be bold enough to say it, the people need me. More so, the people need the God that they might just see in me. My time hasn't been as much about the verbal message that most missionaries preach, it went beyond that. It was just as much about John 3:16 as it was about 1John 3:18, loving not in tongue, but in actions, deed and truth. It was about giving something to the kids and the adults that they might not experience, hope and love, value and faith. I am no genius, but God has used this message in visible ways. In the end, it was the same message that I was being taught.. weird how that works out sometimes.
I have made a lot of friends and been adopted into families. I have seen a lot of hurt and participated in a lot of healing. I am made proud by my friends who now have quit life taking habits or who just simply talk to their mothers a bit more. I have been joyful in the some times and torn when I was torn from the my new Ukrainian life and all who were in it. I have left Ukraine, my new home, but I haven't left it alone. Fredrick Beachner says it well in his book, Godric- "When a man leaves home, some scrap of his heart waits there against his coming back, and it was to find that scrap again that he tramps through all those miles of [treacherous] weather." A scrap of my heart belongs to my loved ones in Ukraine. They are part of my home and I will tramp through anything to see them again. Until then, God will keep it safe.
I am back... but not for long :) I am crushed, but I have a new hope... and if you continue reading, I'll tell you why.
Alright, so. Dasha was my little girl. Sure I loved all the kids at all moments, but for some reason, it was just easiest to love this girl. She melts in your chest and the warmth of her presence is equal to the warmth of her my soul. Delicate and yet so independent, saying goodbye to her was like a father kissing his daughters forehead for what could have been the last time. It was a dramatic goodbye. It was filled with promises that I could only hope God will let me keep. Watching her drive away literally made my body fail. I was devistated, inconsolable. That is, until God surprised me.
The day after she left, I got a phone call. Dasha was talking to me in Russian on the other end. Two days later, I got another phone call. Mama Luda (her care taker who I trust will be looking over her with the love of Christ and a mother combined) half invited us to come celebrate one of the boys' in her home's birthday. To all of our shock, it was feasible. Sergey, Sarah, Campbell and I loaded in the camp car and drove for two hours (thank you Sergey) and met Dasha and her "family" at the Azolph sea. It was remarkable... so let me remark. It was the treatment I needed. God taught me something right then and there. Even when I thought I was saying goodbye... IT IS NEVER GOODBYE! God reassured a hope in me that day. The same hope that I was preaching. There are no last goodbyes with this little girl, only awaited hellos. We danced and swam for the afternoon in utter bliss. When us camp folk piled back into the car, everyone was smiling. God was there, smiling too, I imagine, because that big jokester likes to pull the unexpected card. It was marvelous.
Leaving still feels like taking a forced vacation. After my Dasha encounter, I know I'll be back, but it is always painful to leave your loved ones (man I feel like a broken record). I grew attached to Matt, Sarah and Campbell. I grew to love the care of my Mama. I will deeply miss my friend Yana, who sacrificed a lot just to have me there. I drove away from the camp for the second year, only to find myself romanticizing about year three.
The train ride up to Kiev was long. Sergey and I did a lot of sleeping, reading and music listening. It was the same old sketch train scene.
When we were in Kiev (21 hours later), we walked around with our bags trying to get the key to the flat we were going to stay in... or thought we were going to stay in. We dropped off our bags, but ended up homeless. The girls who had offered their home have an anal landlord.. next door. We kind of shrugged at the news and headed off for our next adventure... FINDING ASHLEY.
Yes, the same Ashley that I started my journey with was also now in Kiev. We found her and it was pretty sweet, if you ask me. It was like a piece of my American past, right there in a church awaiting a joint adventure. And that is what we had. Sergey, Ash and I stayed at the church in their hotel portion that night (never worry about shelter... God is too on top of your needs) and headed for Bila Tserkva the next morning. I was in Bila last year and made a lot of friends who I was dying to see. The problem is... though we had made some tentative plans a month and a half prior, our connection was actually back in the states for some emergency family business. So, we headed down there blindly with no contact information... nothin. :) Let the games begin.
We get off the bus and after walking around for a while, my vague memories and subconscious thoughts brought us back to the boys home that I worked with... for all of you who don't know what I'm talking about it is a orphanage for the mentally handicapped boys of Ukraine... they are unfairly diagnosed and then institutionalized for the rest of their life..... anywho, we end up there and they know of Nita and her organization. So... we call the organization who wants nothing to do with me because Nita wasn't there to give them the OK on my visit and Sergey didn't know what to translate. We did get Slava's number. (Slava and his family housed my team last year.) Problem is... Slava was out of town working with another American team, building something or another... so now let me lay it out. We have gone down to Bila to see people, and no one is around to see. Slava calls his family and lets them know we will be staying the night. We find our way there and it was like returning to my roots. Dana, who was 8-9 months preggy when I saw her last, was now holding a 1 year old son, Samuel. It was a beautiful reconnection and we all had a relaxing stay.
We took a bus back up to Kiev to stay the night at the church/hotel/thing again. In the morning of our departure, we walked around... finished our last minute shopping... packed and made our way (late) to the airport. The airport is a mess there. After saying my last phone goodbye to Mama and a hasty, unfitted goodbye to Sergey, Ash and I got our tickets, headed up to our terminal and left for London.
London is not worth the money :) I'm just gonna say it right now, its a gorgeous place with a lot of history, but that exchange rate is just ridiculous. We stayed in what we thought was going to be a nice hotel... but turned out to be a whole in the wall with a paper sign printed from microsoft word that simply says Rama Welcomes You. The shower had fungus, the sink was the size of Ashley's head, our two beds had sheets on them that we can only hope were cleaned and the carpet was stained all the way up the stairs. Continental breakfast was two pieces of toast and they had to tell me to wait for my change when they couldn't break my room's rate. :) It was fun. We couldn't wait to get back to our families at that point though... we did the whole walk around the city thing (the streets are absurd there). Sat in front of Big Ben for a few hours, waiting for the time when we could go back to the airport. We tried to reflect on our times in Ukraine but that is going to take a lot of time still.
11 plane hours later, and we are back. I am sitting in the living room of my parents home writing this. The familiarity is comforting. The faces are uplifting. I am back. A part of me is home.
REST ASSURED, I will be back in Ukraine before you can say summer vacation. I'm only here in the US of A for a short amount of time. My heart is scattered, my love is stretched. Until that time comes, I am not far away from anyone. The love that binds us together and the Spirit that unifies us to God the father is the same love and Spirit that still remains, guiding and protecting all of us. They will keep a seat warm for me in the mess hall of the camp. They will speak on my behalf.
I love you all. Thank you for being so faithful. I will update you with my future plans. Enjoy the pictures. Let them tell you the story I couldn't.
With the burdens of other that fulfill the law of Christ and the love that holds us all together,
Tommy
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